Well.... as it seems life on the work front is a mix.
I'm glad my superiors think that I'm good enough to give me a whole lot of shit to do. Don't get me wrong, it's good shit that they are giving me to do.
But somehow I feel a little overwhelmed. I think I may screw up. In fact I think I screwed up a few times already.
The latest one was where I had to give comments on behalf of the organisation in a committee meeting. Naturally I wasn't experienced enough to give the correct answer. The deputy chairperson must've thought I was bullshit because he got out of his chair and left the meeting.
He returned only when my superior rejoined the meeting so that they can have proper inputs from her, instead of my nonsense.
That left a pretty bad taste in my mouth. It was embarrassing. Felt like I was caught with my pants down in front of a lecture full of students. Only this time the people in the meeting weren't as forgiving as the students.
C'est la vie.
On to more exciting things. I bought insurance. I don't know why I did, but I did. The moment you sign on the contract you're struck with this sense that you just bought shit that you don't need. Yet, you feel that you need that safety net in your life. A necessary 'evil' if you will.
Because it hit me the moment I got my first pay, I am responsible for myself now. And maybe in a few more years' time, I will be responsible for my parents. It's like this immense load came out from the darkness, smashed you square in the face and happily parked itself on your shoulders.
I don't want to sound over-dramatic, but I think many of my friends will be carrying that responsibility soon and I hope they know it too. My parents worked hard to ensure that their retirement is nice and cushy, so that me and my brother can lead our lives without this said responsibility.
However, I think I don't want to become those ungrateful bastards you see in special news reports who don't give a shit about their parents and abandon them. Actually they aren't the worst. Because some of these people feel guilty and that's why they disappear.
The worst are the ones who think that money settles everything. Just throw some money at the retirement home and that's that. All those years of labouring your parents went through, demeaned into mere dollar and cents.
Repaying parents isn't about monetary value. It's about being there for them like they've been there for you.
I know some people will argue that they have their own lives to live.
So I shall say to them, why can't your parents be part of the life you live? What's so bad about them that they cannot be part of your life? Why not just put up with them for 30-40 more years? Or would you rather regret a lifetime after they are gone?
Oh well... that's my rant for the quarter.
It's funny how my first big purchase and commitment after getting my pay is insurance. I actually feel a bit more secured about buying other shit now that I have settled aside one sum of money for insurance.
I've planned to spend money on something that I don't really want, but need, so that I will feel more confident about buying something I can't afford.
Heh.
